Diary of a Mad Jewish; Eggless Woman Venting & Doing Lots of Soul-Searching May 2023

Continuation of Facebook entries for May 2023

MAY 2023

Post May 1, 2023:

May first and the sun came out. Will it soon be time to put those plantings outside?

Put all my FB posts this year on my website for: “Diary of a Mad Jewish & Eggless Woman Venting & Doing Lots of Soul Searching.”

Changed the title when I heard that Kansas state just defined a woman as one who produces ova (eggs).

Also heard MTG badger Randi Weingarten (Head of AFT) this week saying she was not a real mother (because she did not actually have the child through her womb), teacher (because she no longer teaches) or a doctor because she has a Doctorate but is not a medical licensed doctor.

This requirement for being a mother to be being a teacher or even a good one was one I heard a lot during my 33.5 yrs. of teaching. Being a mother is not a requirement to teach otherwise men would not be able to teach or be good ones.

Post May 2, 2023:

Radiation Treatment-

Went today for positioning for radiation treatment. It was not at all what I expected and will have to have like radiation every day for a month starting at the end of next week and going till June 5.

After drinking barium, I had to lie very still on what seems like a CT Scan machine completely topless. Hands go over head, but they had two handles for me to hold onto. After what seemed like a long time (25 min or more) they came out and put little markers (tats) on the outside of my abdomen area. Room is kept cold, and it was hard for me not to move or sneeze. Thank heavens I bought a bottle of water before going into the lowest floor of the cancer center.

Also found out I lost out on the house on Crane Ave and will be looking at one at 30 Ridgeview Ave in the Fisher Hill neighborhood. I will have to check out the terrain and it is near the Bronx River and train.

Post May 4, 2023:

Used to think San Diego CA was the best place in the US to live weather wise. It was though expensive otherwise. But, with climate change, so has San Diego. What a shame. I remember going there one summer for a class and a combined vacation. Stayed in a person’s home who did a Bed and Breakfast thing. Rented a really cheap car (Rent a Wreck) and it was such a wreck that it had to be replaced.

Post May 5, 2023:

IRS actually helped my Mother with her taxes. Mother just got a refund from IRS that was charged as a penalty for not paying pre-taxes last yr though I I told the H&R Block guy this. Mom did not pay taxes last year so there was no penalties but luckily IRS caught this and gave a refund. Of course she had to pay taxes of about $3000 but by paying it on April 15, she saved some with interest she got on that money.

I still have to research the survivor benefit she gets from Dad but haven’t had time to do this. I would have had to do my mother’s taxes over for 2022 but IRS saved me time and energy. That was a nice surprise. Now with her added medical costs, I don’t think she will have to pay taxes for 2023.

I still have to do mine over since investment company sent me a revision. Maybe I can do that myself but I will see. Being manic actually makes me more productive.

Post May 6, 2023

This copy is a prayer my mother gave me long ago that got me through some tough times dealing with impossible situations and impossible people. I hope it helps you.

Found it while clearing and cleaning my apartment. Not religious, but I do believe in the power of prayer.

Other food for thought:

“You are what you eat, but you become what you think.”

“There are no failures, but lessons to be learned,” and this came from a Barbara Streisand song. I used to play it at work and posted it so my students would understand that everyone makes mistakes and has problems, but it is how we handle them that truly makes the difference. You can’t overcome anything unless you want it.

“Mind over matter.”

The Bristal had a week before Mother’s Day Brunch and Mom could have 5 guests. I rounded up a few.

Invited cousin Ira (bald guy in white shirt) from Boston area and he picked up my sister Irene (in black shirt) on the way down in a small sports car. My niece Kim and her partner Erich came as well. I am next to Mom (Harriet) who cried when she saw my cousin Ira for first time in several years. Ira is my mother’s favorite and only brother Joe’s first child.

Covid kept families separated and my family was no exception. Grateful for those family members who were not here keep in touch with my mom. Sheldon my cousin on my father’s side and living in Washington all the way across the country keeps in touch by phone. He also flew east to go to my dad’s funeral in 2013.

Mom no longer uses a computer, so she doesn’t hear much from those in Florida and even a cousin living in Rockland. Mom was always a source of family history and believe it or not is full of this knowledge.

Mom will be 92 at the end of June and has been at The Bristal for almost two years. She entered July 1, 2021. Irene and I helped her make her escape from The Epic (nursing facility) where she had been for 6 months. Luckily for her, my mom does not remember any of this along with her other hospital stays.

Post May 8, 2023:

Looks like I found a house and they accepted my bid. I am in a bit of a crazy rush trying to get a lawyer, an inspection and just visited house this morning.

Put a bid on house before viewing inside. It is in the North White Plains section of WP and checked all the boxes. I got the house with 11 others bidding because I had the most to put down with a mortgage.

Seller is afraid I will pull out of deal, and they will lose the others who made good bids. That is a bit crazy to think that since house just went up for sale like 6 days ago.

Still got to fix a few things in my apartment so I can sell that.

Post May 9, 2023:

Radiation treatment cancelled for tomorrow. They are trying to switch my treatment to less days but waiting now for insurance company to approve. Was so nervous; losing weight as often do when manic but Radiologist said not to lose too fast, or I will need to do repositioning over. Lost like 7 lbs. in last 2 or 3 weeks. Wow, first time someone told me not to lose weight.

According to most sources though I should have been dead. I have 4th stage endometrial cancer but will have to look for the exact type. Things might have started to change in 2020 and began bleeding in Spring of 2021.

This is from Wikipedia took out some language/reference #s:

“Survival rates:

5-yr relative survival rates in US by FIGO stage:

Stage 5-year survival rate

I-A 88% I-B 75% II 69% III-A 58% III-B 50% III-C 47%

IV-A 17% IV-B 15%

5 yr survival rate for endometrial adenocarcinoma following treatment is 80%. Most women, over 70%, have FIGO stage I cancer, which has the best prognosis. Stage III & especially Stage IV cancers have worse prognosis, but these are relatively rare, occurring 13% of cases. Median survival time for stage III–IV endometrial cancer is 9-10 months. Older women have a worse prognosis. US white women have a higher survival rate than black women, who tend to develop more aggressive forms of the disease by time of diagnosis. Tumors with high progesterone receptor expression have a good prognosis compared to tumors with low progesterone receptor expression; 93% of women with high progesterone receptor disease survived to 3 yrs compared with 36% of women with low progesterone receptor disease.

Heart disease is the most common cause of death among those who survive endometrial cancer, with other obesity-related health problems also being common. Following diagnosis, quality of life is also positively associated with a healthy lifestyle (no obesity, high-quality diet, physical activity).

Recurrence rates

Main article: Cancer recurrence

Recurrence of early-stage endometrial cancer ranges from 3 to 17%, depending on primary; adjuvant treatment. Most recurrences (75–80%) occur outside pelvis, and most occur within 2 to 3 yrs of treatment—64% within 2 yrs and 87% within 3 yrs.

Higher-staged cancers are more likely to recur, as are those that have invaded the myometrium or cervix, or that have metastasized into the lymphatic system. Papillary serous carcinoma, clear cell carcinoma; endometrioid carcinoma are the subtypes at the highest risk of recurrence. High-grade histological subtypes are also at elevated risk for recurrence.

Most common site of recurrence is in the vagina; vaginal relapses of endometrial cancer have the best prognosis. If relapse occurs from a cancer that has not been treated with radiation, EBRT is the 1st-line of treatment & is often successful. If a cancer treated with radiation recurs, pelvic exenteration is the only option for curative treatment.

Palliative chemotherapy, cytoreductive surgery; radiation are also performed. Radiation therapy (VBT and EBRT) for a local vaginal recurrence has a 50% five-year survival rate. Pelvic recurrences are treated with surgery and radiation, and abdominal recurrences are treated with radiation and, if possible, chemotherapy. Other common recurrence sites are the pelvic lymph nodes, para-aortic lymph nodes, peritoneum (28% of recurrences), and lungs, though recurrences can also occur in the brain (<1%), liver (7%), adrenal glands (1%), bones (4–7%; typically the axial skeleton), lymph nodes outside the abdomen (0.4–1%), spleen, and muscle/soft tissue (2–6%).

Epidemiology

As of 2014, approximately 320,000 women are diagnosed with endometrial cancer worldwide each year and 76,000 die, making it the 6th most common cancer in women. More common in developed countries, where the lifetime risk of endometrial cancer in women is 1.6%, compared to 0.6% in developing countries. Occurs in 12.9 out of 100,000 women annually in developed countries.

In US, endometrial cancer is the most frequently diagnosed gynecologic cancer; in women, the fourth most common cancer overall, representing 6% of all cancer cases in women. In that country, as of 2014 it was estimated that 52,630 women were diagnosed yearly and 8,590 would die from disease. Northern Europe, Eastern Europe; N America have the highest rates of endometrial cancer, whereas Africa/West Asia have the lowest rates. Asia saw 41% of the world’s endometrial cancer diagnoses in 2012, whereas Northern Europe, Eastern Europe; N America together comprised 48% of diagnoses. Unlike most cancers, # of new cases has risen in recent years, including an increase of over 40% in the UK between 1993-2013. Some of this rise may be due to the increase in obesity rates in developed countries, increasing life expectancies; lower birth rates. Average lifetime risk for endometrial cancer is approximately 2–3% in people with uteruses. In the UK, approximately 7,400 cases are diagnosed annually; in the EU, approximately 88,000.

Endometrial cancer appears most frequently during perimenopause (the period just before, just after, and during menopause), between the ages of 50-65; overall, 75% of endometrial cancer occurs after menopause. Women younger than 40 make up 5% of endometrial cancer cases; 10–15% of cases occur in women under 50 years of age. This age group is at risk for developing ovarian cancer at same time. The worldwide median age of diagnosis is 63 years of age; in US, the average age of diagnosis is 60 years of age. White American women are at higher risk for endometrial cancer than black American women, with a 2.88% and 1.69% lifetime risk respectively. Japanese American women/American Latina women have a lower rates; Native Hawaiian women have higher rates.”

Post May 15, 2023:

Buying things unassembled. Recently bought my mother a few things that required assembly and it has been largely a struggle.

Got Mom a new recliner and it took me bringing up to room to even begin working on it. They said they would deliver it to her room, but it just didn’t happen and a whole day went by. People down in office were saying how heavy the box was but it wasn’t. I was the person who moved my mother’s things in; and not them. Chair was fairly easy to put together but it needs adjustments since Mom is so short but terribly overweight. I might hire a person to make the adjustments since she lacks the ability to recline the chair herself and is not leaning back correctly. She is using pillows but that is not working.

Then then the scale I ordered did not work after putting in the 4 batteries. Even tried different batteries but no juice.

Then got 2 side tables and having a real problem with the directions and the actual items. Did not have the glue I needed and even finding all mine at home all dried out. Got one together but not sure if it is going to work for Mom. The other one well is a bit more complicated and ran out of camlocks. Not sure if I got the right ones at hardware store. Been working on that for days now.

Working this all at Mom’s apartment was a bit overwhelming for her. The Bristal wasn’t much help either when I asked for items to be brought to her room and then asked for items to be taken away. Also learning the people helping her just don’t get it. Mom just doesn’t hear and see very well. These women are making too many assumptions that might kill her.

They were leaving windows open and were saying my mother was doing this. My mother can’t even see if the windows are open so how is she to open them? They were closing the blinds when my mother needs them open to get as much light as possible. And, now her socks are not put on correctly and they are cutting off her blood stream. Her legs and feet are terribly swollen. But all the doctor does is yell at her over her weight. They should stop with the 3 large meals a day and just give her a child’s portion.

Also finding people entering her room might have been looking for something else cause my mother was already taken to the dining room. Everyone has a walkie talkie and a pass key. Things are still disappearing. Can’t find the many new tops and pants I got that are a larger size and they keep putting her in the pants that don’t fit her.

Garbage bin liners are put in but not pulled down so items will go down into basket but stay on top. They leave up the toilet seat??? Why??? Her clothes get put away in the wrong places and the laundry comes back in a heavy sack that was just impossible for me to lift. Socks were not even folded together. Mom is paying now like $10,000 a month for care and services. Why can’t she get that?

Pictured next to Mom is completed table that turns and the one by the window moves and can be positioned by chair or bed. Mom wanted the small table she had before so I moved that near bathroom. The TV tabletop is now on top of new side table and the legs in the closet. Will have to get recliner readjusted so Mom can lower the back- and put-up legs. Meanwhile she uses the small stool my father made way back then. She likes the little things from her former home.

Post May 18, 2023:

Radiation treatment 1 of 5 replanned was just horrible having to stay still for like 30 minutes with 3 people repositioning me all the time.

Felt like I was in some sort of horrible amusement park ride with machines moving around me while I lie on a narrow table practically nude.

Then the doctor had to see me though I wanted to go home. Had to wait for this and then she came into room they put me in with two big computers (assistant had 2nd) and asked me a few things and then what I could expect.

I just needed to lie down and sleep for about 15 minutes. When I got to the car, I took a breather and slowly made my way home. Worst part is still being manic and not sleeping normally. Next treatment is Friday.

So far, no side effects from treatment.

Meanwhile the process for buying my first house, is moving at a rapid pace. Relator for seller is still getting calls from the other interested buyers and she expects closing to be in a week. Still need loan and money from my investments. Handing in contract today at my lawyers and ready for a check for down payment. Seller agreed to do a few things to house like put in required bannisters, clear the gutters of garage and put metal tape on flue pipe. They will clear out everything in garage and house. I don’t want the big air- conditioners that are in the basement. I will bring the two portables I have but ideally, I would put in central air. Not too keen on oil heat but I might look into the solar systems since my city and Con Edison are so into this.

Getting my apartment ready for pictures so I can put it on the market. Things are moving quickly so I just need to ask the right price. Apartment on 6th floor above me sold for $155,000 in Jan but don’t know what the inside of unit looked like. I was told that no improvements were made.

Once the pictures are taken, I will prepare for viewings with a deeper clean up. Still have to get plumbing in bathroom done and wall where 3A leak cause some damage. 2A seemed to get the worst of it and I think, the woman had gotten so much water cause she had been away for like 5 months and came home to a “flood” in bathroom and bedroom. If she had been home, the leak would have been discovered and water would have been turned off. Men in 3A and 6A had died. 6A had moved out first to CT but I guess his daughter sold the unit. People seem to stay at Westbrook a long time or they move on when it is time. I have had my fill after 35 yrs. Construction on street was for gas pipes, but they had been done before when my building converted to gas from oil. What a mess Franklin has become.

I will probably move my car outside when I start selling my place. The steps in and out of garage are killers and no snow is expected this spring or summer. I also will save some money on that.

Post May 25, 2023:

Tomorrow is my fifth and last radiation treatment. I hope I get through this. Might go to new house. Got letter of commitment for loan. Need to get Home insurance. Still need to finish cleaning up apartment for showings.

Post May 26, 2023:

Today, I had my last radiation treatment for now anyway. I have no idea whether the torture was worth my life.

Felt like a hunk of meat being shoved about and positioned for the whirling machines. Staying still was just impossible. At least got them to shut off the music that wasn’t going constantly but turned on and off during treatment.

Waiting area was noisy with staff doing a lot of loud talking and laughing. Is the hospital paying for staff to socialize or work?

Process and waiting around for treatment and then seeing the doctor or nurse after was not the best way to treat a patient. Treatment was never at time specified with long waits after to see the doctor and/or nurse took another 15 to 20 min in a room by myself.

Staff wasn’t very sympathetic towards me, and I was expected to know the routine when I had never gone through this before. They don’t know how to treat a person suffering from mental illness.

I didn’t see the point of changing into a gown when that had to be taken off during treatment. I just too off my bra and used my shirt.

Wearing a mask was also overkill. In elevator in parking lot, one woman who got in after me used a tissue to swipe the button. I was more of a danger without a mask, then the small buttons. Why did she get in the elevator with me? She could have asked me to hit the number for her. These were hospital workers, and it seems there was a change in shifts just as I got released.

City parking lot has very slow elevators and the buttons don’t light up. No automatic door opening but they put a ramp up to door. That doesn’t make sense and isn’t ADA compliant. Valet parkers have to put cars on upper floors, and they race through the lot at top speeds. Not very safe.

Getting closer to buying that house. Went to house today but appraiser did not show. He got sick and went to ER.

Sellers didn’t do anything they agreed to and their stuff should be cleared out. Garage is full of stuff. If these people wanted me to close the deal so quickly, why didn’t they at least clean things up.

I am working hard to clear my own unit for showings. I am asking $170,000. Who knows, I might just get a buyer.

Post May 29, 2023:

Placed pins for Memorial Day Holiday in Tibbits and from my apartment on Franklin. They are for people to take and wear. Put most of them around Civil War Monument and then north to WW I monument. Most are on seats but others on top of boxwood bushes and around monuments.

Hope everyone enjoys this holiday as we honor those who served in the military from those who gave us this country during the Revolution to those who have been protecting us in modern times.

My Dad, Paul Harrison served in WWII and he was fortunate to have skills from high school that he used in the Army Airforce fixing machines, jeeps and other equipment used to fight the war. He had a deferment till his father died in 1943 and served to the end of the war going overseas in Europe. He was often on ships and when he was alive had memories of his time in UK and other EU countries like France.

Unfortunately, he still had his mother and younger sister to provide for and his mother had a hard time coping with him being away. It is often not just those who serve that make sacrifices but the families they leave behind.

Wrote about my dad on my website: https://sandraharrison1954.com/2018/02/24/paul-harrison/. He worked hard after the military and married my mom in 1949, Harriet Schild after meeting her at a party. My mom was 18 when she got married and dad was 11 years older. He came from a poor family that sold fruits and veggies on the streets of NYC. My mother’s family on the other hand were middle class and her father was a pattern maker in Manhattan working in the garment industry. My grandfather, Sam Schild was not keen on the marriage, but it lasted a long time (1949-2013) for 64 yrs with all three of his children going on to college.

My mother will be 92 in 30 days and in 2021 had to leave her home of 67 yrs that my dad bought for $15,500 in 1954. Dad didn’t use the VA loan but did get a break on his property tax in Yonkers.

I dedicated two benches across from Tibbits Park in his memory.

Benches dedicated to my Dad. City wanted these benches so in 2014 I paid like over $6000 for two. Got to put on a plaque and replaced the Anderson memorial that was falling apart. The plaque for that is at foot of Cherry Tree in middle. A lot of people are now using the benches and there is a small social group who meet there a lot. Seems to have started with Covid. I am glad people are enjoying the benches and that they are still there. There is shade from the tree.

Was not allowed to put my dad’s lifetime yrs but they at least allowed the 2014 when the benches went in and the old structure went out. City wanted these benches so people would not sleep on them. They actually come unassembled and Public works has to put them together and in the ground with an anchor to prevent theft. People do steal benches. One year they even stole plantings and my building had its plants pulled out of ground and thrown onto city property. I found them and put them back in their beds and they lived.